“How do I homeschool my son, age 11, who’s uncooperative? He fights me on everything and I’m feeling so defeated and overwhelmed.”
Every few episodes, Yvette Hampton and Aby Rinella answer listeners’ questions on The Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast. For answers to your homeschooling questions, listen to the podcast or visit our Homeschool Answers YouTube playlist. You can even submit your own questions on the Schoolhouse Rocked Facebook page.
Yvette Hampton: A listener asks, “How do I homeschool my son, age 11, who’s uncooperative? He fights me on everything and I’m feeling so defeated and overwhelmed.” Aby, Do you want to jump on this?
Aby Rinella: I read this and immediately two great resources came to my mind, because at age 11 I feel like everything changes. With adolescence comes a huge shift.
I’m going to give you some great resources for dealing with this critical time in your child’s life. First, is an amazing book called No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace And Hope, by Hal Melanie Young. And this book really gave me insight. It’s not just boys. It’s also girls! There’s a lot going on in an 11-year-old. And you’re not alone, mama! I think that this is a common thing. So I would suggest that you get this book. It really helps navigate through some of those tumultuous years and the confusion that they’re feeling. And often that that comes out in what you called “uncooperative” behavior. They fight you on everything that is just kind of a result of where they’re at. This book gives you a lot of good tips and pointers.
The other one is called Mother And Son: The Respect Effect, by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs. And it talks about how around that age, 11 – you’ve babied your son. He’s been your baby. I have a son and it’s the same – They’re your little baby. And you hold them and you snuggle them. And they do whatever mama says because you’re mama. And then they hit this certain age where they’re starting to become men. And in their nature, they don’t want to be told what to do by you. And so there is this new dance that you’re going to have to learn, between being his authority and his teacher, but at the same time, understanding that he’s coming into manhood, and he is naturally learning to assert himself in a new way.
And your relationship with your son is very unlike that one your daughters… It’s very different with sons. Your relationship very much shifts at that season.
We want you to know that we’re praying for you. You’re not alone. This is normal, but there are answers out there. So it’s just going to be a shift with a son to understand how you’re going to relate to him differently in this season and moving forward.
Yvette Hampton: I am so glad you could answer that because I have a family of all girls. I come from a family of girls. I only have daughters and five nieces. And so it’s hard for me to even wrap my mind around what it’s like to homeschool a son, because they really are different. God made them male and female!
Aby Rinella: Yes, he did.
Yvette Hampton: Imagine that.
Aby Rinella: But I would say, too, for those with daughters, No Longer Little talks about daughters, too, because they go through a shift in 11, too.
Yvette Hampton: Yes. Oh yes.
Aby Rinella: Oh, my goodness. Do they go through a shift.
Yvette Hampton: Hormones. Oh, goodness.
Aby Rinella: Yep. So you know, it’s not just sons, but there is something different about sons. So I cannot recommend that book highly enough.
For more on this subject Listen to “Homeschooling Boys,” with Durenda Wilson on The Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast.